Crazy Dating Profiles
If you’ve been online dating for any amount of time, you’ve seen bad profiles. They’re either sparse, copied from someone more clever, use The Office as a character trait, or are completely blank. Then, you come across the perfect profile. It might be five words, three paragraphs, or a hilarious photo, but either way you’re in stitches. We’ve scoured the internet (and the best dating apps) to pull together a list of some of the funniest dating profiles.
1. The Truth
You should probably know that I always manage to spill iced tea on myself. Jun 05, 2012 well you obviously know that not everything is from buzz feed (chivettes, bored at work, find her, etc.) so you're just being a sarcastic twat. Somethings on the internet get shown on multiple websites, people that complain about that are dicks. Normal people don't care what site posted a goofy dating profile pic first. 33 Funny Tinder Profiles That Definitely Got People Some. Talking to people in the real world until you trick someone into thinking you’re attractive and funny is not only difficult, but incredibly time-consuming. Luckily, Tinder exists so you can trick people from the comfort of your own home.
You’re smart. This ain’t your first rodeo. And You’re not about to fall for the preposterous claims made by so many of the profiles on this site. So here’s a refreshing perspective—the truth.
I pay my mortgage. I wear socks that match. I’m an honest man, with a decent career and strong values. So While I could regale you with stories of my trips to Paris or how I resemble Ryan Gosling…I know that good communication’s a foundation for every relationship. So if we’re on the same wavelength, read on…
2. Exaggeration
I am a rocket scientist. I’ve appeared on the cover of GQ—twice. And after mastering Italian, I became an international super spy. Right now, I’m yachting my way across the Caribbean, stealing top-secret information, and sipping mai tais…shaken, not stirred.
…Okay, fine. I exaggerated *just* a smidge. But I do like a good mai tai and I got a B+ in my 5th grade science class.
3. Blurbs
“He’s a beast…in the kitchen” – Food & Wine
“Our go-to guy for fashion advice” – GQ
“I wish he was my personal trainer.” – The Hulk
“God made him so firemen would have a hero” – every fireman ever
“I’m so glad she swiped right” – your mom
What else do you need to know?
4. J/K!
Married with a baby on the way. Prefer the term “collector” to “hoarder.” Bonus points if you can look after my gerbil collection.
And: J/K! Single consultant who loves surfing. Into daily exercise so I don’t feel guilty when I grab ice cream.
Your turn…Do you prefer swimming, dancing, or a 24-hour Netflix marathon?
5. A Few of My Favorite Things
I like…
The Frito smell of dog paws.
When I randomly decide to call an old friend and they say “I was just thinking about you!”
The way little kids get grumpy and confused when they’re tired.
That moment I get that Bumble BOOM! Message, and know someone I liked is into me too.
6. Goblin
Passionate goblin with 10+ years of experience, seeking to increase profitability for National Goblin Association. At — Goblin headquarters, slashed costs by 32% in 6 months by implementing Bloodletting training across all departments. Cut stockroom waste by 65% with new garbage binging techniques. Skilled in bone cleaning, whispering while in the dark, and proficient in Microsoft office.
7. The Girl You Can Take Home to Your Family
I’m the kinda girl you can take home to your family. I will then get closer to them than you are and we’ll slowly phase you out.
8. Alpha Male
I hope you like alpha males because I’m your guy. That’s right, I’m the whole package. I’ll defend your honor in public, won’t take shit from waiters, and I’ll even get you pregnant, leave, and then come back to eat the child.
9. Christmas Tree
My brother once put me through a Christmas tree wrapping machine then my parents put me in the boot for the ride home.
10. Best Travel Story
I was in New Orleans when the Eagles won the Super Bowl. Long story short, my nipple may or may not have been pierced.
11. Not Down to Earth
I’m not down to earth at al. If you don’t reply to my text I will turn up to your house drunk at 3 o’clock in the morning crying and trying to break in. I hate drinking tea and doing craft. I hate bicycles, the beach, sunshine, and parks. And Cider, I hate Cider.
12. Definitely Not a Murderer
My self-summary
I’m a fun loving guy and a self-starter who has absolutely no interest in committing murder. I’m looking for love, companionship, or just that one lovely evening (and rest assured that that one lovely evening will absolutely end with you back at your house, safe, and sound!) Let me take you into my magical world of not murdering anyone, ever, for any reason.
Crazy Dating Profiles
What I’m doing with my life
I’ll tell you this right up front: Certainly not murdering ANYONE, least of all you! Beyond that, mostly digging.
13. A Terrible Liar
My self-summary
Here are the quick and dirty facts so you can get back to clicking through my photos: I’m a terrible liar and an excellent +1. You can usually find me managing my investments, hitting the gym, or catching up with a friend over cocktails and tapas. And I’m incredibly judgemental…when it comes to T-bone steaks. Otherwise, I’m pretty easygoing. 😉
What I’m doing with my life
When I’m not in the ER, you can often find me visiting the kind of far flung destination that requires a passport. Remote locations like Santiago or Zanzibar have always spoken to me. But usually it’s in Spanish or Swahili…so I can’t understand a word they’re saying.
14. The Best Thing on the Internet
About Me
Crazy Online Dating Profiles
Ladies, your time has come. I’m serious – stop reading and message me right away, because I am the best thing that could ever happen to you on the internet. Better than gym selfies. Better than 14 Facebook likes. And even better than kitten GIFs. Okay, okay, maybe not better than those. Because what can top that?
If we’re being honest, I’m probably not really the “best thing” ever. I have falws too. First of all, I don’t have Jon Snow’s flowing locks. I sometimes wash my lights with my darks. And I never ask for directions – ever.
Maybe you can see past that thought? 😉
As for my career… Well, I got my first taste of what it means to be an entrepreneur when I was a kid, selling 25 cent cups of lemonade and giving away free extra-salty potato chips. I’ve since moved up to buying and selling Internet comapnies, but I still love Lay’s potato chips.
I’m a non-apologetic big city dweller at heart, but that doesn’t stop me from rounding up friends on a beautiful weekend and hitting the ski slopes, or grabbing my mountain bike for some trail riding. And I’m always thinking about my next trip… I hear good things about New Zealand.
As for the woman I’d like to meet… Your friends would describe you as “intelligent,” “ambitious,” and “kleptomaniacal”… Okay, maybe not the last one. And while I love potatoes in most of their forms, “couch potato” isn’t one of them. Physical fitness is important to you, as it is to me. And while you don’t have to host your own NatGeo show, having a few awesome travel stories wouldn’t hurt.
15. Cute and Smart
Respiratory Therapy Student
Cute enough to take your breath away, smart enough to bring it back.
16. Mat
I’m just hoping you don’t walk all over me 😉
17. Forever Single
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Will I be single all my life
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Take a look at some of the crazy dating demands have been going viral online....
Take a look at some of the crazy dating demands have been going viral online.
“Painfully single” Robyn Lynne Norris had no idea her “goofy” dating profile would prove so popular, it’s now the subject of a Broadway show.Source:Instagram
It started seven years ago, with a favour: One of Robyn Lynne Norris’ friends had signed up with OkCupid and asked her to review her online dating profile.
Back then, Norris, a 20-something “hopeless romantic”, knew nothing about online dating. Newly arrived in Los Angeles and lonely, the writer-comedian had just come off a bad breakup — to a fellow comedian who, during their months-long gig on a cruise ship, hooked up with the woman in the cabin next door. On Norris’ birthday, no less.
And so, with time on her hands and angst in her heart, she agreed to help her friend — only to find she had to submit a bio of her own before she could view someone else’s, the New York Post reports.
Dating Profiles For Men
Within five minutes, Norris scratched out a jokey profile of someone she considered utterly “undateable”: a 28-year-old LA woman posting as “Tracylovescats.”
Robyn Lynne Norris created this goofy dating profile to help a friend and was amazed at the response. Picture: Supplied/DatemediariesSource:Supplied
As the dating site required, she gave Tracy a self-summary (“I love KITTIES!”), a goal (“Trying to act and playing with my kitties ALL day long!!!”) and a typical Friday night activity (“Eating chocolate and playing with my KITTIES!!!”).
She attached a goofy-looking photo of herself, posted it and went on with her life.
Crazy Dating Stories
Three nights later, when Norris met her friend for dinner, she logged on — and found that her kitty-loving alter ego had pawed a nerve. Along with some punny and profane come-ons were a lot of playful responses, along the lines of “meow, meow” and “purr, nap, yawn.” And they were from men. More than a hundred of them!
“It was crazy,” Norris tells the Post. “I thought, ‘I’m so painfully single — and this crazy cat lady is more popular online than I am in real life!’”
The reaction to ‘Traceylovescats’ inspired Robyn Norris to start a social experiment. Picture: Instagram/Robyn Lynne NorrisSource:Instagram
So began her year-long experiment into who, if anyone, might be considered “undateable” in the wide-open world of the internet.
Those profiles and responses gradually blossomed into a show. #DateMe: An OKCupid Experiment, now playing off-Broadway, has a cast of eight, several musical numbers and a downloadable Tinder-like dating app, #DateMe, that lets theatregoers connect with each other during the show.
At the heart of the show is Norris (played by actress Kaitlyn Black) and her own lightly fictionalised life story, plus verbatim snippets from the 38 preposterous OkCupid profiles she and several friends created.
Enter Clean4U84, who billed herself as “a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders. A head that likes to be shampoo’d . . . scrubba, scrubba, scrubba” and whose favourite “book” was the Bed Bath & Beyond catalogue.
Prinzess Angie sounds like a delight. Picture: Supplied/DatemediariesSource:Supplied
“She got hundreds and hundreds of responses,” Norris says. “I think because it was so funny.”
Also popular was BoobsandWangz, a 32-year-old law firm receptionist whose lifelong dream was to work at Hooters. That generated a lot of interest, too, Norris says: “Lots of people played along, telling her they knew a manager” at one of the franchises.
But before Norris and Co. posted any of their fake personas, they set some ground rules.
“We didn’t want to catfish anyone,” she says. People who seemed genuinely interested in kitty-loving Tracy or CokedOut — a 32-year-old Boston brunette with a yen for Coca-Cola — were told the women were off the market.
“I think it was pretty impossible to think these (profiles) were real people,” Norris says. “But if they didn’t know, I’d write back and say, ‘Hey, you seem wonderful, but I just started seeing someone.’ I wasn’t into ghosting.”
Who wouldn’t want to date someone obsessed with Christmas? Picture: Supplied / DatemediariesSource:Supplied
She and her collaborators also vowed not to use stock art: All 38 profile pictures were photos of either the Los Angeles-based Norris or her friends.
Along the way, she learned a lot about online dating, and what it takes to elicit the most interest.
“I realised the more specific you are in your profile, the more responses and messages you’ll get,” Norris says. “Everyone says they love to laugh and travel, but the more specific you make it — the more you put in what’s weird and unique about yourself — the more interesting you’ll be.”
She also believes the stereotypical online dater is just that: a stereotype. “People think everyone on the internet is disgusting or just wants to have sex,” she says. “But I found myself connecting with funny people, lovely people.”
Barely had her experiment ended, in 2013, when Norris herself felt ready to connect. But before she went online in earnest, she met someone in real life, at a comedy club. Atul Singh, an improv and sketch comedian, won her heart before their first dinner date, just by giving her a curated list of restaurants to choose from.
Norris is now married to Atul Singh. Picture: Supplied / DatemediariesSource:Supplied
“He did a lot of research,” she says. “I thought, ‘This is already the most thoughtful person I’ve gone on a date with!’ ” They wed in 2017 with two ceremonies. In the Hindu one, Singh rode in on a horse — her knight in shining armour.
“I think the experiment helped me get ready for him,” Norris says. “I was so closed down before . . . The internet gives you the feeling that you can reach out. People want to connect.”
This article originally appeared on The NY Post and was reproduced with permission